I can make it alone...

Im kind of surprised at how well I have been these past 2 days. I figured I would be extremely sad and showing it..but Ive been pretty cool. I think it is all going to come out at the moment I have to have my first goodbye. It really stinks because I have to stay here til Saturday and say goodbye to everyone who is not graduating/not staying until Saturday along with me. I know its not goodbye forever...but it is still so sad. I cannot believe how I am leaving Mansfield as opposed to how I entered it nearly 4 years ago. There are no comparisons. All that I know is I better get a job with the weekends off so I can come up here to visit these amazing people often next semester and each semester after......



:( / :)

I feel so blah today. I had such a long day yesterday and I was exhausted and then I didnt sleep very well at all. Plus I havent really ate much since yesterday at lunch so I should probably give my stomach a nice fill even though I dont feel hungry at all. (I hate the first week of being back on my pills) To add to my blah mood, my stupid cd/dvd burner drive on my computer is being a big douche and its driving me crazy that I cant get it fixed...and HP support techs are absolutely no help. Ugh. So...I'm glad the weekend is finally here and I hope it brightens up my mood because its been a long week. oiy. Im so tired...I hope I wake up.

So...my hair. I currently have mixed feelings about whether I like it or not. bo-jeez.

Heres a little ditty I wrote today. It just kinda popped in my head. I love being inspired to write...I just wish it happened more often. I call this...

FREE

here I am
I know who you are
and I want you to come and figure me out
figure me out
here I see
everyone around me moving along
when I cant budge
I cant budge
so here and now
I will fight
and find a way to make my dreams come true
my dreams come true
here I am again
I can talk and talk
when all I want is to just stop
just get out
just jump
jump
jump so high
but not to touch the sky
no, not that high
not that high
I wanna walk outside
nobody around
and feel freedom
just feel freedom
just feel like me
just feel
feel
free.

I feel good. This has been a pretty good week. I decided to not publicly show my last entry anymore because I dont currently feel like that and having it up made me feel vulnerable and wierd lol. I dont want people thinking that I am this sad depressed person 24/7, because I am not.But getting it out felt really good. I think that is most of why I was feeling so down to begin with, because I wasnt releasing. Sunday night I stayed at Courtneys for a while and had a release....lol. Well it wasnt very funny at the time but I feel much better. Thanks for listening...sometimes thats all we need every now and then is just for someone to sit and listen.
I am looking forward to the weekend. I finally got paid for the first friggen time since school started because they are douches and made us wait 5 weeks. I plan on spending my money on good food, alcohol cuz its time to get tipsy, and the final season of the Golden Girls....loves it! lol.
Friday is my longest day and it SUCKS! I have work at 8, meeting at 9:15, class at 10, lunch at 11, then class at 12, 1, and 2, and then work from 4 til 5. UGH!
John is coming up this weekend. (Chris's brother lol) Tomorrow night we are supposed to be hosting a Sexy Party in our room. Sexy Party= sexy people, alcohol, and good times! lol.
Well work is over so I'm off to my 9:15 meeting.

Lol. Seriously though...life for me has been like 95% drama free since I've been in college, which has been wonderful. And not that this drama directly affects me, but indirectly does only because I'm on the board for the radio station. So...Shonna had to have a meeting with Beth, our Internal Relations director, because around 8 board members came to her with issues they had with Shonna. What I dont understand is, the majority of these issues could have easily been brought up in one of our meetings. Like...when we are discussing something, that is what discussing means.....bring up something you dont like or dont think is right or think needs to be changed. Nobody is going to kill you for your input. I used to think I was bad with not being able to speak up. Not anymore lol. And like...I dont have anything against anyone on the board...but I just dont understand why people are incapable of bringing up concerns or issues they have at our board meeting. That is half the reason why we have board meetings. I kinda feel that people are just being a little too harsh with Shonna. Shonna puts her everything into the radio station to make it the best it can be and I think that some people fail to realize that. Sure, maybe sometimes at our meetings she can come off as a little insensitive or even mean, but who on our board is perfect? I was probably most surprised when I found out that my name was brought up at Shonna's meeting with Beth. There are people, or maybe just one person I dont know, who feel that Shonna, Courtney and I are joining up and out to get them. I was like WTF? lol....I am not the kind of person who "is out to get" anyone! Last semester we had a very long meeting discussing all the internal conflicts that went on between board members and after that was over...I felt very relieved. I dont have issues with anyone on that board. I only have issues with people if they give me a very large reason to have issues with them. I didnt get a chance to say my peace because the meeting went too long but I dont want anyone thinking that I am out to get them because I am not. You know, there have been things in the past that I did not agree with Shonna about...and I have expressed my feelings to her. We are still friends. She didnt like degrade me for having a different opinion on something or threaten me or anything. Its OK to have opposing views...you just need to voice them. I feel that people are using Beth for all the wrong reasons. These issues that these people have are not going to be solved unless they learn that the best way to deal with issues is to put everything on the table and discuss it...IN PERSON with the people who are involved. Oh well. I just hope that everything turns out to be fine and that nobody resigns or anything. I know I just ranted/vented a whole lot but thats just because it has been on my mind. I think that we are doing good at the radio station and I hate to see when problems like this come up because they can so easily be avoided. ok im done lol.

So...yes I have returned to LiveJournal world. I deleted my old one quite some time ago because...well, I never really wrote in it anymore. Well, even if I dont write in it everyday, or every week, there have been times when I've had something I just wanted to write about or get out and I didnt have my livejournal anymore to do it. So I have decided to open up a new page!

So I am in my final semester of college. WOW! I have conflicting views of how fast/slow time has gone by since I began here 4 years ago. I mean...I do feel like it went by fast...but at the same time, it seems like forever ago since 1st year here. And my final year here cannot even compare to my first year here. Things have so completely changed for me in my 4 years up here. Of course the biggest change for me would be the amazing people I have met and become close friends with up here. First year here I sheltered myself from opening up and meeting anybody new, while at the same time trying to cope with my inner anxieties resulting from my Dad's sudden and unexpected death. I only surrounded myself with friends that I knew from high school that also came here. Well...after first year, all those friends left and Chris and I were the only ones who stayed lol. Of course, everything began to change for me when I decided to join the radio station 2nd year here. It was through the radio station that I met most of the great friends I have now and who will make it so hard for me to graduate and leave here in may.
So now after 3 years, I went from somewhat scared and shy to open up to new people, to now being Assistant General Manager of Mansfield's radio station! lol. And I love my new position. I was definetly tired of doing Public Relations. Now being AGM, I get to test and train new DJ's, I get to DJ events on campus or even off campus, and I am head of the Judicial Board...which is where people who do bad things get sent to be punished haha.

I dont want to make this an obscenely huge entry, so I think I will take shifts and end this one shortly lol.

I like where I am at right now. Although I am very nervous about the ever-so-close future and reality I am about to face out in the world. I dont need to be a millionaire, although yes it would be nice haha. I just want to be able to live nice. As long as I can find a job that can support me and I am still able to see my few good friends, I'll be happy. Although, I would like to be able to buy my Mom her own house so she wouldnt have to worry about that anymore. That would be real nice.

Well...Im starting to get a head ache and looking at this blurred screen where I work is making it work...so until next time...adios.